I decided to get my butt in gear this week and start actually preparing for this baby to come. After all, prepared or not she IS going to come. The carseat I ordered came on Monday. I sifted through baby clothes and blankets, burp cloths and swaddles. I put away what I knew I didn’t want or wouldn’t use. I organized her room and even put on the whopping two lampshades I purchased just for her. I actually spent almost an entire morning organizing and preparing for this baby. It’s probably the most I’ve done for her aside from obligatory doctors visits in the last 8 months. That sounds awful doesn’t it?
And still none of this seems real. Clearly, I know there is a baby in there. My stomach is huge and she kicks me all the time. I’ve seen the ultrasounds. We talk about names and what this summer will be like with her here. Everything we have planned is planned with her in mind. She is clearly going to arrive and be part of our family. We are going to have three kids. But it still doesn’t feel real.
Going through our baby girl clothes was really strange. I found it hard to imagine someone other than Maddie or Ellorie wearing them. It was almost as if I was weeding through them in order to lend them to a friend for their baby girl.
I remember not having much time to think about Ellorie while I was pregnant with her. I had Maddie to take care of and she consumed my life. It was hard to imagine loving any other child as much as I loved the one I already had. How could there be enough for two? And yet, when she arrived it was love at first sight. It was as if she had always been a part of our family and I couldn’t imagine life without her.
I’m sure that it will be that way for this baby, too. She is going to arrive at some point and we won’t be able to imagine life without her as part of our family. This is just all so strange to me right now. I don’t remember feeling like Ellorie wasn’t real, maybe I did. And Maddie was definitely very real being my first baby. Everything was about her and maybe that’s my problem. Everything is still about her (and Ellorie, too). It’s very difficult to picture a child as part of your family that you’ve never laid eyes on. It’s also nearly impossible to carve out time to devote to just the baby you’re carrying when you have two other kids right in front of you who need your time and attention. So maybe that’s just how it is until she arrives? Because she’s clearly going to arrive whether it feels real to me or not.
Did you feel like this with your second, third, etc? Am I totally crazy?